Best Imitation of Myself
by Mystical Faeries
Summary: Jeans. Yellow tee shirt. Grey jacket. Pink Converse. That's what eight year old Cassy Grey was wearing when her life changed forever...a look into the life of Meredith and her daughter Cassy and one hell of a misunderstanding...DerMer
1. I Feel Like Quote Out Of Context

_Hey guys,_

_I was bored today so tried writing something and came out with this. Hope you like it – please review so I can decide whether or not to keep going. _

Disclaimer Unfortunately, I do not own Grey's Anatomy. I only own a grey jacket, and my own anatomy.

**Chapter 1 "Quote out of Context"**

There's always one event that changes someone's life so significantly they can remember exactly what they were doing, whom they were with and what they were wearing. It may be something as distinguishable as a marriage proposal, or a first kiss or when a woman's waters first break. For Cassy Grey, it was the afternoon no one came to pick her up from Mason Road Primary School on the fourth of April, when she was 8 years old. She was wearing her favourite jeans, a lemon yellow tee shirt and a grey jacket, with her pink Converse shoes. She was with her classmates of the third grade. She was showing off.

She came out of class giggling, surrounded by several boys and girls of her class. Using the empty spaces of her front two teeth, Cassy sprayed her classmates with a small and precise stream of water. They made their way to the back entrance of the school, and they hoisted themselves onto the solid brick fence, sitting in a line of about 13 girls and boys, waiting for their mother or father to pick them up, as they did, everyday.

Gradually, the crowd dispersed, and eventually Cassy was left alone on the brick fence, which no longer looked like a seat, but a prison wall.

"Do you want to come to my house?" her bestest-friend-in-the-whole-world, Meg asked her, but Cassy shook her head defiantly. "Mom will be here soon. She always is."

- - -

"Cass?" Cassy swung around. It was Miss Christensen her teacher. "You're mom not here?" Cassy shook her head.

"She will be though," said Cassy, stubbornly. "I don't know if you know, but she's a _surgeon_ and sometimes she has to, you know, do stuff. Cut people open. It's a crazy, fervid and strangely satisfying career path to take," Cassy said, quoting her mother.

"Right," said Miss Christensen with a laugh. "Well, how's this? We'll go to the classroom and play battleships-"

"Scrabble!" interrupted Cassy.

"Scrabble, then, until four thirty. If you're moms not there by then we'll have to call someone else to collect you, okay? I'll call your mom now, anyway." Cassy nodded, satisfied with the agreement, and followed Miss Christensen back to the classroom.

- - -

"OBSCENE," proclaimed Cassy, fitting the word neatly into the N of Miss Christensen's TRAIN. "Triple word score."

"Well done! Cass, where do you learn these words? I mean, I know you're a bookworm…but still…"

"Mom reads to me heaps. Lotsa stuff. Everything." Miss Christensen. She'd never met Meredith Grey, Cassandra's mother, at Parent-Teacher evenings, because she worked long and unpredictable hours as a surgeon at Seattle Grace Hospital, but Cassy had a sweet disposition, was incredibly precocious, but not even slightly arrogant. Miss Christensen enjoyed teaching her. She was also a beautiful child. Fantastic genes, she thought to herself. Her hair was a dark chocolate brown, and dead straight, which suited her white skin and deep blue eyes perfectly. Even her voice was the perfect tone; not too high, like some girls, and not to deep like a teenage boy. It was sweet and the slight husk to it just added to Cassy's quirkiness.

- - -

There was a knock on the door, and both Cassy and Miss Christensen looked up expecting to see a frazzled Meredith, but it wasn't Meredith at all. Instead, a tall man with dark chocolate brown hair, a _Seattle_ tee shirt and, strangely, a pair of blue surgical scrubs, entered the room.

"Hello?" enquired Miss Christensen. "Who are you?"

The man politely extended his hand. "Derek Shepherd," he said, smiling. "Meredith asked me if I could please collect Cassy."


	2. Withholding All the Rest

_Hey guys, thanks so much for the reviews. Here's chapter 2, a bit longer and a bit more depth. Hope you enjoy! Keep those reviews up! xox Kim_

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy. I don't even own Pink, Red or Yellow's Anatomy. I do, however own Cassandra Ellis Grey.

**Chapter 2 "Withholding the rest"**

"Cassy," hissed Miss Christensen, "Do you know him?"

"Nope," said Cassy, crossing her arms. "Never seen him. I've never seen you," she said addressing the man. "I'm not getting in a car with you, uh-uh."

"It's good to see your mom teaches stranger danger." Derek chuckled. "I work with Meredith," he continued. "She got stuck in a complicated surgery, and was panicked about collecting Cassy. Actually, I never knew she had a daughter, I just came back from New York," he looked into Miss Christensen's disapproving glare. "But you really don't care. Anyway, I finished my shift and offered to pick her up. Mer and I, we go way back."

Miss Christensen involuntarily took a few steps backward, even though she believed the man.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Shepherd, but I can't let you take Cassy with you if I don't know who you are. It'd be irresponsible if I didn't."

"I'll call her then," said Dr. Shepherd. "In surgery."

- - -

"Hello?" the voice did not sound particularly pleased with an interruption.

"Miranda put Meredith on please." Derek grinned into the loudspeaker of his phone.

"What? Derek, she's in the middle of a hemispherectomy," said Dr. Miranda Bailey.

"You haven't softened up at all, even with a baby," said Derek.

"Oh, alright. GREY! Pain-in-the-ass on line one." Dr. Bailey held the phone to her ear.

"What?" Meredith was flustered.

"I'm at Cass's school, but Cassy and her teacher don't know me, can you verify that I am in fact picking Cassy up from school, on your orders?"

"Sure, Cassy, Miss Christensen, Derek is my colleague, and Cass he'll take you home and stay with you. He's got a key okay? Bed at 8.30 at the latest."

"Okay, mom," said Cass. "Love you."

"You too, bub," said Meredith. "Bye."

- - -

"You strapped?" enquired Derek as Cassy climbed into the back seat of his battered Camaro. Cassy nodded, staring intently into the rear-view mirror.

"So how do you normally get home?" he asked, looking back into her piercing blue eyes with own piercing blue eyes.

"Mom, normally. Or I go with Meg's mom and Meg. But usually mom tells me that. She must have had an interrupted day," said Cassy, thinking out loud. "So anyway, how do you know my mom?"

"We were…friends when she was doing her internship. You know what an internship is, right?" Cassy rolled her eyes.

"Duh. Why do people assume eight year olds are stupid?" She slumped back in her seat.

"I'm sorry, I won't make that mistake again," chuckled Derek. "Do Izzie and George still live at your place?" he asked.

"No," said Cassy, "Don't be ridiculous. They moved out before I was even born. It's just mom and me."

"What about you're dad?" asked Derek. Cassy laughed loudly. "Are you SERIOUS?" her jaw dropped, and she hung her tongue out of her mouth. "I don't think mom even knows who he is. Well, I think she does actually. She's tight-lipped about it though." Cassy shrugged. "Who needs a dad? Not me, I have mom. And she has me."

"Fair enough," reasoned Derek, looking at Cassy through the rear-view mirror more intently this time. "Who needs a dad?"

- - -

They arrived at Meredith and Cassy's home at about 4.45, and Cassy made herself a snack of graham crackers and grapes. "Want some?" she offered Derek, who declined, after eating some crackers.

"Well that's an oxymoron in the strongest sense," said Cassy.

Derek looked slightly confused at the eight year olds steady grammar, and Cassy sat herself down to do her homework. Derek wandered around the house, looking at pictures. There were numerous photos of Cassy - as a baby, chubby, round faced and inquisitive, up until now, an eight year old, holding her Washington State Spelling Champion trophy. There was a photo of Cassy riding on Meredith's back, photos of her with George and Izzie, Cristina and Preston and their son, William, now five.

On the mantle were a picture of Ellis Grey and numerous photos of Meredith with her friends. Derek was slightly hurt that there were none of him, but upon remembering, realised they hadn't taken any together.

"Excuse me," said Cassy. "Are you any good at math? This algorithm is killing me. Seriously."

"Seriously, hey? Well if it's seriously killing you, not just slightly, then I guess I can take a look at it." Cassy rolled her eyes.

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," she informed Derek.

"How do you tolerate your mom?" he joked, but Cassy didn't find it particularly funny. She pushed the pencil towards Derek and jabbed the paper. He illustrated the steps for Cassy and she politely thanked him.

"Third grade math is pretty hard, hey?" he asked.

"Um, no. This is fifth grade. Miss Christensen accelerated me." Derek whistled.

"Right – so why don't they just put you up to fourth grade?" he asked.

"They can't. I've already skipped year two. If they moved me up to fourth I'd be too young. I've only just turned eight."

- - -

It was eight thirty, and Cassy said good night to Derek.

"Sleep well," he said, offering his hand. Cassy shook it. "It was nice to meet you," he said, looking her in the eyes. "Really nice."

"Yes, you too. Tell mom to wake me when she comes in."

"Really?" Derek asked. "She'll wake you?"

"Of course," said Cassy. "I only saw her for an hour this morning. I'm not going to go 24 hours."

"Sure, well good luck with school. And you're algorithms," said Derek, and he was touched when Cassy stood on her tiptoes to offer him a kiss. He bent down and she kissed his cheek.

"Night, Derek. You really need to get rid of that stubble."


	3. So I Can Be For You

**A/N: Thanks for all the positive reviews! Keep it up! Hope you enjoy this latest instalment…** Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. I do, however love Grey's Anatomy. **Chapter 3 "So I Can Be For You"**

It was late when Meredith finally came home.

"I am so sorry!" she exclaimed, waking Derek who had fallen asleep on the couch in front of an old Mariners and Reds game. He jerked himself awake and looked at Meredith for a moment.

"Oh, that's okay. Cassy was fine. She's a good kid. You have a kid?" asked Derek, looking questioningly at Meredith. She nodded. She had a slight idea this was going to end up messy.

"She tells me she's eight," said Derek. "Mind you she's as eloquent as a fifty-eight year old. Eight would mean…?"

"Eight would mean I had sex eight years ago. Eight would mean 11.28pm. Eight would mean I'm tired. Eight would mean thank you. Eight would mean I really don't want to discuss Cassy's conception. Thankyou," Meredith added, "For minding her."

"You're welcome. I'd better head back to my hotel." Derek nodded toward Meredith awkwardly. She saw him out the door.

- - -

_Derek sat in his car. _

"_Eight. Eight would mean…the start of her internship."_

- - -

Meredith went up to Cassy's room where she was sleeping like a baby, curled up in the foetal position, just as Meredith always had and always would sleep. She pushed back the wisps of hair that fell into her closed eyes, and kissed her forehead gently.

"Cass, I'm home baby," said Meredith quietly. "Cassy?"

"Mom?" Cassy murmured.

"Mmm-hmm," said Meredith. Cassy sat up and then followed Meredith to her room, and clambered into Meredith's bed. She lay down beside her mom sleepily.

"Derek is really nice," whispered Cassy. "He looked after me well."

"Of that I have no doubt. Sorry I didn't pick you up," Meredith said. "I had this hemispherectomy. It was amazing, it…"

"Mom, how did you and Derek meet?" asked Cassy, who didn't particularly care about the joys of hemispherectomy's and the like.

"Mmm, our friend Joe," said Meredith sleepily. "Cass, honey, go to sleep." The red fluorescent light of her clock flicked to 11.54.

"He said you met when you were on you internship?"

"Yes," replied Meredith. "We did."

"How long ago was that?" Cassy asked. "Roughly."

"Roughly…8 or 9 years ago. But I haven't seen him in about that long."

- - -

The next morning, Cassy spread peanut butter on her toast.

"Hey!" exclaimed Meredith, snatching the knife off her. "Have some toast with your peanut butter. Cassy, are you okay?"

"Of course I am. Who is picking me up today?"

"I'm really sorry about that yesterday, honey, you know that sometimes happens. But mom will pick you up today for sure. What's this?" She pulled a sheet out of Cassy's bag. "Washington State Spelling Bee? They asked you again? Honey, that's great!"

"Yeah it is, hey. I've been given 1000 words that might pop up, so you can test them on me, okay?" Cassy perked up.

"Sounds like a plan, baby. You ready? I got to get to work, so I have to drop you a bit early. Is that okay?" Meredith looked apologetically at Cassy.

"Actually, no it's not," said Cassy. "Mom it's seven. School doesn't think about opening till 8.30. Can I come to work with you for a bit? Then you can drop me at nine? Please?"

"Well, okay. But I'm going to have to work. So you'll have to wait in the waiting room, or with Dr. Webber…or something, okay?" Cassy compliantly nodded.

- - -

They arrived at Seattle Grace, busier than Cassy had ever seen it. Meredith kissed Cassy's head, and grabbed her hand, leading her hurriedly through crowds of nurses, interns, and residents and attending surgeons. Meredith herself was an attending in neurology, cardiothoracic and respiratory; and a good one at that. They came to the waiting room where Meredith gave Cassy some money to buy snacks, and then patted her back.

"I'll be back at 8.30 to take you, okay?"

"What if you get stuck in surgery?" asked Cassy.

"We'll play it by ear, okay? Don't worry, bookworm, you'll get to school."

Cassy did not wait in the waiting room as Meredith had expected. It was full of tattered copies of magazines, a sad sign of other people waiting; waiting for life, waiting for death. Cassy was an inquisitive person at the best of times, and when she was bored even more so. She left the waiting room and decided to explore what she could of Seattle Grace.

She was walking down a corridor when she heard a familiar voice. It was her mom.

"Meredith, please tell me!" the voice was pleading, and Cassy thought it might have been Derek. She didn't know his voice well enough, but it had the soothing Doctor tone that she'd noticed last night.

"There is nothing to tell," said Meredith. "Please, leave me alone."

"Meredith, she looks like me!" Derek hissed.

"Coincidence and nothing else. She looks like Finn, too, don't you think?" Meredith tried to look Derek in the eyes, but couldn't. Derek noticed.

"Meredith, please."

"Where's Addison?" she asked him.

"It's a long story, and don't change the subject. C'mon Meredith. I'm back. I signed my contract with Webber this morning. Let's be friends. Tell me about Cassy."

"Let's be friends! You have got to be kidding! Please, Derek thankyou for picking Cassy up, but please don't try to be my friend; you're not good for me."

"I'll come to your place at about 9 tonight, okay? You tell me about Cassy, I tell you about Addison. Fair deal? Okay." Derek didn't wait for an answer, but walked off, not giving Meredith the opportunity to object. Cassy ran back to the waiting room, trembling slightly, eager to learn more, but scared at the same time.

"Pandemonium. P-A-N-D-E-M-O-N-I-U-M. Pandemonium."

"Upheaval. U-P-H-E-A-V-A-L. Upheaval."

"Shit. S-H-I-T. Shit."

- - -

One thing you need to know about Cassandra Ellis Grey is that she's a tough nut and as sharp as a knife. She can pinpoint tension in it's most miniscule form and has been fed not only on graham crackers, grapes and spaghetti bolognaise, but on Jane Austen, Henry James, The Bronte Sisters and Shakespeare. In her spare time, Cassy enjoyed perusing her mom's anatomical textbooks. She could locate the kidney's with her eyes closed, and could recite the symptoms of appendicitis off the top of her head. Unfortunately for Meredith and Derek she also knew how long the gestation period lasted, and was a killer at recognising a fatal attraction – even if only one half was present.


	4. What You Want To See

_A/N: Here you go, guys! Keep up the reviews. Love Kim/Mystical Faeries_

Disclaimer: In my most obsessive state Grey's Anatomy owns me…

**Chapter 4 "What You Want To See"**

"You look awfully nice tonight, mom," said Cassy, acting innocent. "You're not going out are you?"

"What? Of course not. And I'm wearing jeans, there's nothing "awfully nice" about that."

"Hmmm. Well anyway. You're glowing." Meredith hit Cassy lightly with a rolled up magazine.

"Anyway, bed for you, miss." Meredith lifted up Cassy, despite the fact that the eight year old was almost too heavy for someone as slight as Meredith to pick up. She put her in bed, and lay beside her as she always had – and hoped she always would.

"Mom?" Cassy whispered.

"Mmm?" said Meredith, kissing Cassy's forehead.

"Nothing," said Cassy, changing her mind. "It was nothing. Sleep well."

Meredith got out of bed and blew Cassy a kiss from the doorway, just as her doorbell's shrill ring reverberated off the walls of the house. Cassy grinned to herself sleepily.

As soon as Meredith left the room, Cassy quietly hopped out of bed and stood at the top of the stairway.

"Thanks for inviting me," came Derek's voice.

"Like I had a choice. Come in," said Meredith, and she led Derek into her lounge room. Cassy silently padded down the stairs and smuggled herself into the linen cupboard. She peered through the louvre doors and found herself a good view of her mom and Derek.

- - -

"So," said Derek. "Cassy."

"Nope," said Meredith. "I want to know about Addison first." Derek shook his head slightly. "Not much to tell really," he said.

"Good. It wont take you long then."

"We got divorced. Seven years ago." Derek furrowed his brow. "After we moved back to New York."

"Oh, I'm sorry," said Meredith, trying to sound sincere. "Why?"

"We didn't love each other," said Derek. "Well…I didn't love her. And coming home was a chore for me. For her too," he added. "I guess I didn't realise we completely drifted apart in Seattle. I was blind to what was right in front of me."

"Right," said Meredith. "So why did you stay in New York?"

"I didn't. I came back didn't I?"

"Yeah, but after 8 years," pointed out Meredith. "What kept you in New York for that long?"

"My job. They needed me. And I met a lovely woman – Janine, and I tried to give her a shot."

"Oh?"

"We didn't work out. For some reason, I couldn't give myself completely. But enough of me. You need to tell me about Cassy." He emphasised the need.

"Not much to tell," said Meredith, lying. "She's born on March 11th. At Seattle Grace."

"Mer," said Derek seriously. "Please. Who's the father?" Meredith hung her head, and at that instant, Derek knew.

"She's mine? I fathered a child and you didn't tell me?" Derek looked hurt, angry and confused.

"You were with Addison!" exclaimed Meredith. "You'd made it pretty clear what you wanted and I didn't want to disrespect that."

"You think I would have been with Addison if I knew you were pregnant?"

"Derek, I thought you loved me. When you chose Addison how the hell did you think I felt? You shattered me into a thousand little pieces, and Cassy is the only thing that has helped put them back together. How could I have given you the satisfaction of fixing me? And, how was I to know you wouldn't ignore me anyway even with a child? You tore down all my walls, and that took a lot of work. I don't give myself easily. I gave myself to you and you threw it in my face. I wasn't going to have you throw my baby in my face too."

Derek looked hurt. "Meredith, you know how I felt – feel – about you. I chose Addison because I had an obligation to her. I told you how it felt that day at the dance, didn't I? You have always driven me crazy. And, Mer…why do you think I came back to Seattle? I had this pathetic hope that you'd be waiting for me. That you'd still be the intern I know you as. Not this fantastic surgeon; the best on the West Coast. Not a mother. You've changed, Meredith and I understand that. But I haven't changed. I still feel as strongly about you as I did then. And I have a daughter now. Whose life I've missed out on. Not anymore though, Meredith, okay? No more."

"No more," said Meredith quietly. "We'll work something out. Umm…I'm going to check on Cassy. You'd better go."

"Can I see her, please?" Meredith nodded, and Derek followed her upstairs.

Cassy's bed was empty. Meredith frantically searched Cassy's room, and her room. "Can you look downstairs?" she asked Derek, tears welling in her eyes, and Derek jumped the stairs two at a time, and searched the lower floor, opening cupboards, checking rooms, behind chairs. Finally, he opened the louvre doors, and saw Cassy, fast asleep with her head resting in the corner of the cupboard peacefully.

"Mer," he called hoarsely. "She's here." Meredith ran downstairs, her face streaked with tears. "Thank God," she said, watching as Derek picked her up and gently carried her upstairs.

"Do you think she heard?" asked Derek.

"Knowing Cassy…probably. Sneaky little thing. I'll talk to her tomorrow." Meredith looked relieved as Derek lay her in her bed.

"So that's what it feels like?" Derek asked.

"What what feels like?" asked Meredith, looking at Derek quizzically.

"Parental worry," clarified Derek, and Meredith laughed slightly.

"Yes," she smiled. "Get used to it."


	5. I Got Gestures and Sounds

_**A/N: Hey guys, I love your reviews they're awesome! I'm going back to school this week and have my yearlies in a few weeks so I might be a bit absent; I will try to post as often as possible. If I haven't posted in a month someone can send me a reminder lol…xox Kim aka Mystical Faeries**_

**Chapter 5 "I Got Gestures and Sounds"**

Meredith was eating. She sat at the plastic tables which smelt of hospital, and ate the grilled cheese sandwich which smelt, and tasted of hospitals, when Derek came over and sat opposite her; he also smelt of hospital.

"Hey," he said. "Are you going to tell Cassy?"

"Yes, eventually," sighed Meredith. "I don't know how she'll react. I don't know if you've noticed, but she's a bit of a smart ass." Meredith laughed as she thought of her daughter, grinning with her gappy teeth.

"Because, you know, I want to have a part in Cassy's life. A big part. I've always wanted to be a dad." Meredith nodded; she understood.

"Well maybe you can just start coming over. Hanging out," that sort of stuff. "She'll ask eventually." Meredith smiled weakly.

"Why do we have to wait until she figures it out? Mer, I really want to tell her."

Meredith looked at Derek, the man everyone called McDreamy. He was older, of course, and his hair was showing wisps of grey. Nothing dramatic – he was still to Meredith what he was 8 years ago and she to him.

"Okay," she said leaning over toward him. "Why don't you pick her up this afternoon and take her…I don't know – fly fishing or something. Whatever it is you do." Meredith laughed. "We can tell her tonight."

"Really?" Derek's eyes lit up. "Okay…I'll pick her up. What gate do I meet her at? Mason Road? Austen Street?" He looked so excited that Meredith resisted putting her hand on his.

"Austen Street," she smiled, and unclipped her house key from her key ring. "Here you go. I guess you're staying for dinner then?" He nodded, accepted the key, and with a small backwards glance, left the tearoom, where Meredith was smiling, uncontrollably.

- - -

Cassy and her classmates jumped onto the wall as they did every afternoon.

The first car to pull up was Derek's battered Camaro.

"Anyone?" called Meg, Cassy's best friend, whose job was car patrol today. "Blue Camaro, licence plate N50F…"

"Seriously?" asked Cassy. "No way, that's Derek!"

"Who?" asked Meg, looked confused. "Whose Derek? I've never heard of no Derek."

Cassy leaned over to whisper in Meg's ear. "Don't say anything," she grinned. "I know you'll call me an idiot, or a smartie bum or whatever. But I _think_ he might be my dad."

"Cassy!" Cassy jumped off the wall and ran towards Derek who was waiting by his car.

"Hey, Derek," she said with a grin. "You're picking me up today?"

"Looks like it," he smiled. "Hey did you know Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides?" Cassy raised her eyebrows the way her mother did.

"Of course I knew that. I grew up in Seattle didn't I? Duh. Why are you telling me anyway?"

"Well…I love ferry boats. And fly-fishing. Want to join me?" he smiled and Cassy climbed into the front seat of the car.

"Sure," she shrugged. "Mom's not the outdoorsy type really, and so I've never been fishing. But I've been on ferry boats. Whoa have I been on ferry boats." She rolled her eyes. "Mom loves them."

"She does, does she?" grinned Derek. "Well I've always said she had impeccable taste in…things. Okay, so fly-fishing." He drove out to the lake where he used to fly fish after hard days at Seattle Grace. Not so often when he was with Meredith, more when he was with Addison. He taught Cassy.

- - -

"You're doing a great job," said Derek, when Cassy caught herself a small one. "It's too small though," he said, "But letting them go is half the fun."

"So did you know I'm going in the Washington State Spelling Bee?" said Cassy. "My school selected me as it's representative."

"That's fantastic. You mean, out of the whole school, or just the third grade?"

"The whole school," said Cassy, trying to hide the pride in her voice. Derek hugged her. "That is amazing," he said. "I'm proud of you. How hard are the words?"

"It's open to anyone up to fourteen years, but my main competitors are about thirteen. So it's the reading age of 14 that they test it on. I don't really care though. I have a reading age of 16. I'm sorry. I don't want to sound arrogant," said Cassy. "So do you have any kids?"

Derek paused for a moment, trying to work out how to get around the question. "Whoa! Look at that one, Cassy."

"Look Derek! I caught it! It's huge! Oh my god it's massive, Derek I caught that!" Cassy was jumping along the deck excitedly, and Derek grinned, because the adult maturity, which she so fluidly possessed so often, was replaced with eight-year-old excitement. She threw her arms around Derek's waist excitedly, and he looked at the fish that gradually stopped fighting for its life. He hugged her back. "Is it big enough to keep? Please let it be!"

It wasn't.

"Sure," said Derek, smiling. "Come on, put it in the bucket and we'll go home. I think I'm having dinner with you tonight."

- - -

Cassy clattered into the house loudly, the bucket rattling. Meredith, who was on the phone to Izzie, who was instructing how to make a basic spaghetti sauce, swung around in surprise.

"Cass? Is that you?" Cassy was pink cheeked and excited.

"Uh-huh, mom Derek took me fly fishing and I caught one, mom and it was even big enough to keep! Want to see?" Without waiting for an answer Cassy pulled the lifeless baby trout out the bucket.

"That's fantastic honey," said Meredith. "Where's Derek?"

"He's coming. I'm going to help him get the stuff, ok?" She ran off, with the spirit and excitement of an eight year old.

"Did Cassy say 'Derek'? asked Izzie from the other line. "As is…Derek McDreamy Shepherd?"

"Yes," said Meredith. "Long story. Actually. It's not. It's happened really quickly. One day he was at work and picking up my kid because no one else could…the next second he's excited because he knows he's the father."

"Wait a second," said Izzie. "Back track. The father? You said you had no idea who the father was."

"Well…I lied. Seriously, what was I supposed to do? Oh Derek, leave Addison and come with me and our baby and we can walk on clouds and eat sugar flowers?"

"What? No, I'm just…surprised, that's all. Anyway, just add a pinch of brown sugar, and you have a damn fine pasta sauce. I have to go, George is home," said Izzie. "See you, Mer. And good luck."

Derek and Cassy entered the kitchen. "What's for dinner?" asked Cassy. "I'm starving!"

"Smells good," agreed Derek.

"Spaghetti a la Izzie," laughed Meredith. "I'm not very culinary. I make a mean grilled cheese, though." She dealt out spaghetti and sauce for everyone, and they sat down at the table.

"So how was your day, bee?" asked Meredith one of her many pet names for Cassy.

"Good," said Cassy and Meredith rolled her eyes. "Thanks for the detail."

"Well I told you – I caught a real trout! It was awesome." Derek laughed. "It was pretty awesome, hey. Did you like the spot we fished at?"

Cassy nodded happily. "Derek, can we do it again some time? I'll even let you take us there by ferry boat." Derek laughed. "Sure."

"Mom, maybe you could come too? You'd like it. Well…you might not. But it's a lot like surgery. It's about precision, and accuracy and patience. Patience, not patients," said Cassy. "Get it?"

"Sure, bee. I'd love to come. I think you and me and Derek are going to be hanging out a lot more from now on," said Meredith, nodding towards Derek as a sign to let him continue.

"Cool," grinned Cassy.

"Yeah, Cassy, because, actually…" started Derek. "I didn't know but…well…I'm your dad."

Cassy looked shocked for only a split second, and her face relaxed. "I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!" she sang in glee. "I know everything!"

"How did you know?" asked Meredith, looking surprised.

"I just did. Wow," said Cassy. "Thankyou, for telling me," she smiled. "Even if I don't need a dad I'm glad I can have one. Can I go watch TV?"

Meredith nodded.

"Oh by the way," said Cassy. "I'm glad it's you, Derek."

Cassy shut the door separating the kitchen from the living room.

"I am too," said Meredith, "Glad it's you."


	6. It's Uncanny You'd Think It Was Me

_**A/N: I'm still on exams, but am updating…hope you enjoy! Please read and review! Love, Mystical Faeries…**_

Disclaimer: "Make the lambs stop screaming!" I don't own Grey's…but I do quote it…

**Chapter 6: "It's Uncanny – You'd Think It's Me"**

Mason Road Primary School had the bulletin board at the front of their school proclaiming "Cassy Shepherd-Grey – Washington State Spelling Champ – Cheer her on for nationals!" and Miss Christensen and Meredith had negotiated the work Cassy would miss during her week at the nationals in Washington DC. Derek grinned, as he kissed Cassy before she went to her last day of class before the big event.

- - -

"Thankyou so much, Richard," said Meredith. "Derek and I really appreciate it. It's only a week, maybe less if she doesn't get through, but I really need to be there for her – my mom…"

"I know, Meredith. You're doing a better job of balancing this job and a family than I thought possible. You and Derek? Are you…?"

Meredith smiled. "It's only been three months since he found out about Cassy. We are, but we're taking it slowly…well – slower than we were," she smiled.

"So you're going pretty quickly then." Webber smiled. "A long time ago I told you it was a mistake," said Webber wistfully. "Grey – don't listen to me."

- - -

The Bee was a month later and Derek and Meredith were armed completely with supportive parenting. They weren't allowed backstage, however, and Meredith subconsciously was jiggling her leg in anticipation. Derek put his hand on her knee.

"Calm down," he said with a smile. "She'll be fine." He kissed the top of her head and Meredith nodded.

"I know she'll be fine. But me? I'm not fine, I'm a bundle of nerves." Derek took her hand.

"Well," he grinned. "Cassy loves you. And I love you." Meredith looked at Derek, wide-eyed. They'd been together since the last spelling bee, and although they were 'taking it slow' they knew that they were pretty much done. However, this was the first time either of them had decided to utter 'those words' out loud.

"You do?" said Meredith. "I mean – I love you too." The lights dimmed.

- - -

The master of ceremonies came onto the stage and the auditorium politely applauded.

"Welcome," he said, waving his hands with a flourish, "To the NATIONAL SPELLING BEE FINALS. We have tonight with us the top nine spellers in the country, ranging from only eight years of age, to thirteen. We're in for a treat tonight ladies and gentlemen, so please, make welcome…our division one finalists, Mr Taylor McFadden of Shepparton, Georgia, Miss Emily Hawthorn of Salt Lake City, Utah, and the division one champion, and one of today's youngest competitors, Miss Cassandra Shepherd-Grey of Seattle, Washington."

The audience applauded, and Derek and Meredith waved to Cassy who looked dwarfed by Emily Hawthorn and Taylor McFadden, both who were much older and taller than her.

"Our division two finalists, Mr Michael Lake of Santa Ana, California, Miss Catherine Daley of Birmingham, Alabama and the division two champion, Mr Pierce Langley of Nashville, Tennessee."

The audience politely applauded, as division two took their bows.

"And finally, our division three finalists, Miss Whitney Cunningham of Providence, Rhode Island, Mr. John Trusler Junior of Tucson, Arizona and the division three champion, Miss Emerson Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd, of Manhattan, New York!"

The audience might have been applauding – surely they were – but Derek didn't notice. His heart turned to stone and his grip on Meredith's hand turned to iron fists as Emerson Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd walked onto the stage, with hair the colour of flames and a familiar, brisk and purposeful walk - all 8 years of her.


	7. Did I Make Me Up?

**Hey guys, here is Chapter seven for you; please review it! I've been doing my exams, but have found a little time to watch Grey's and push out another chap. **

**Love Kim**

Disclaimer: Somebody told me I didn't own anything. So I cried. I realised it was true. But I kept crying.

**Chapter 7: "Did I Make Me Up?"**

"Derek?" said Meredith, nudging him. "Are you okay?" Derek was not okay. His eyes scanned the crowd, trying to find Addison.

"I'm fine," he said. "Did they just say Montgomery-Shepherd?" he asked. Meredith forced herself to nod.

"Yes," she said. "Do you know why?" she whispered, as the first contestant, Miss Catherine Daley came onto the stage, ready to spell.

"Only what logic says. I had no idea Addison was pregnant." Meredith nodded, and took Derek's hand in hers.

She kissed his temple, and whispered, "It's okay," into his ear. She thought it felt odd being the comforter, and not the comforted, for a change.

- - -

The competition was over. Finished. Done. Cassy had finished second, Emerson third. Meredith was proud, and so was Derek, but they robotically retrieved Cassy from the waiting room, to take her home. They were supposed to fly back to Seattle the next day.

"Wait," said Meredith. "Derek do you want to take Cass back to the hotel? I'll meet you there." Derek looked quizzically at Meredith.

"Oh. No, Mer, please. Leave it. C'mon. Let's go. Back to life." He looked pleadingly at Meredith, and wanted only to pick her up and whisk her and Cassy to a place where the Addison's of the world couldn't find them.

"Derek, you have a nasty habit of letting things get out of control. Just when you think things are going to disappear, they come back and bite you on the ass. So please, let me. Okay?"

"Last time things came back at me I lost you," said Derek. "Please, Mer, come with us now. We're your family."

"I know," she said, kissing his cheek. "That is not going to change." She mustered up courage enough to smile at Derek and pat Cassy's head. Then she turned around, so they wouldn't see the pearly tear that slid down her face and sliced her cheek in half.

"Wait!" said Derek. "Meredith. You're my family. I love you."

"I love you too," she smiled. "I'll be back soon. Go."

"Marry me." Derek looked at Meredith's back, because she wouldn't reveal her face. She said nothing; she walked towards the waiting room.

- - -

"Hey-lo! You're Cassandra's mom aren't you?" a voice rang from the room, as Meredith walked in, and a big-breasted woman grabbed Meredith's hands. "Congratulations, you must be so proud."

"Oh. Err…thankyou," Meredith smiled awkwardly and tried to free her hands. "Umm you haven't seen the New York contestant have you? Emerson Montgomery-Shep…Shepherd, have you?"

"Actually I think they're in the changing rooms," said the woman. "Fiery red hair? Mother the same?"

"Unfortunately yes," sighed Meredith. "Thankyou." And she walked into the change rooms and sat outside the row of closed doors, waiting for fate to open one.

A door opened, and Meredith squeezed her eyes shut, realising just how much she didn't want to come face to face with Addison. Not now her life was seemingly on track.

"You look mighty ridiculous," said a husky voice, which was so close to her face she felt the wisps of warm breath of her cheeks. Meredith opened her eyes. It was Emerson.

"Oh right; it's the light's they're so…congratulations. Third! Well done." Emerson was studying Meredith's face intently, as though trying to place her contours with the thousands of faces she'd seen over her rather short life.

"Thankyou," she said. "You're Cassy's mom, right? Seattle?" Meredith nodded, and a lump formed in her throat. "Emerson. Where's your mom?" Emerson shrugged. Just as she did so, Addison came around the corner.

"Em, for God's sake. Please, we've got to get to the airport. We're going to Seattle tomorrow." Addison looked sad, as though she'd been crying. Her face was slightly red and her eyes were puffy. She grabbed Emerson's hand, and Emerson sighed, and waved good-bye to Meredith.

- - -

Meredith leant back in her seat for a moment, and sighed. She didn't have strength to face Addison. Seattle though? Addison was coming to Seattle? With Emerson? Derek's daughter? Meredith didn't want to think it. Derek's daughter? She hoped not. His _Other_ daughter. But was that enough?

All she wanted was to go to her hotel and hug Derek. She wanted to kiss Cassy's forehead, run her fingers through Derek's thinning hair, hear him say 'I love you'; she wanted to say 'yes'. How she wanted to say 'yes.' But she didn't have the strength. Instead, she lay down across the hard, wooden chairs, curled up in the foetal position, and let herself release exhausted sobs.

"_Meredith? Meredith!" she woke, startled, to George's voice. He was shaking her, gently. She sat up, stiff, from lying across a row of chairs in the waiting room at Seattle Grace. "Are you okay? You must be exhausted, if you can sleep through contractions."_

"_I am tired," she agreed, looking around the waiting room. "What time is…owww!" She winced in deep pain for thirty seconds or so. "Contraction."_

"_Okay, let's get you up to the labour ward," George said smiling, helping Meredith stand up, her pregnant belly protruding so far from her slight frame. She took his hand as another contraction hit, and Meredith, sleep no longer acting as pain reliever, succumbed to the full extent of her contractions. She wailed in pain, and clamped George's hand firmly in hers. His fingertips went white._

"_So, any more names planned?" he asked, trying to distract her from the pain. "What about Sam? Samantha for a girl, Sam for a boy?" Meredith shook her head. _Samantha Shepherd. No_. "Double S."_

"_Huh? Mer? No double S's in Samantha Grey." Meredith sighed. What was she thinking? Her baby's last name would be Grey. Of course. It was only in her dreams its name was Shepherd._

"_Daniel if it's a boy," she said. "And I still like Cassandra for a girl. Cassy. I think it's cute."_

_- - -_

"_It's a girl, Dr. Grey. You have a beautiful baby girl." The midwife handed Meredith the tiny bundle, and Meredith gathered strength to look at it. She was very red, and covered in muck. But she opened her eyes, and Meredith could only see one person. She handed the baby back to the midwife, and shut her own eyes._

"_Has she got a name?" asked the midwife._

"_Cassandra, I suppose," said Meredith, tired. "Cassandra Ellis Grey." She closed her eyes, and let her thoughts put her to sleep. 'Cassandra Ellis Shepherd.' 'Cassy Shepherd.' She woke up. 'Cassy Grey.'_


	8. Or Make The Face Til It Stuck

A/N: I apologise for any mundaneness of this chapter. It's just a fill in chapter; the wheels start turning again next chapter. Bear with me, but review anyway!

Disclaimer: Thankfully, I do not own Richard Webber. Or any other Grey Matter that is not mine.

**Chapter 8:** **Or Make The Face Til It Stuck**

"Dr Grey? Dr Grey. Meredith!"

Meredith jerked awake, the stiffness of the wooden chairs hitting her muscles hard. The woman shaking her awake was the woman who handled admissions into the spelling bees. Meredith had only been asleep for about ten minutes, but the building was silent, and all contestants and their families had left. Off to their hotels before they made their way home; home to their lives, which Meredith thought were probably a heck of a lot less stressful than hers.

"Go home, honey, you look exhausted," said the woman who Meredith remembered as Ruthann.

"Ruthann," said Meredith, looking into her eyes. Ruthann was a robust woman who wore brightly coloured blouse and skirt combinations. Tonight's was lavender. She was, however, a woman who looked as though she'd hugged many children throughout her life. "Ruthann, it's not fair."

She sat down beside Meredith. "Honey. Second place is good. It's real good. Seriously, be proud of that kid. She's only eight, after all." Meredith's eyes welled with tears, then in true Meredith style, she let them flow. They accompanied her quick and unsettled puffs of air which sounded like she was laughing. Then she leaned and placed her head on Ruthann's shoulder.

"It's not Cassy," sobbed Meredith. "I wish it was. It's…it's…it's Emerson," she continued to sob.

"Emerson? The kid who came third?"

"No it's her mom. It's…It's why does it have to be so freaking complicated! All the time. He proposed Ruthann. I think, anyway. Did he propose? I can't remember. But if he did, why didn't I say yes? Or did I?"

Ruthann rubbed Meredith's shoulder comfortingly. "Get up, girl. Get in a cab and take yourself to him and your girl. Say yes. Have sex. I don't know. But don't beat yourself up, okay?"

Meredith nodded, and wiped her eyes. "Ruthann, did she say she was going to Seattle?" Ruthann shook her head despairingly, and watched as Meredith left the building to hail a cab.

- - -

Cassy was asleep. The table was covered in Chinese take away containers, and Derek sat in a chair. The really uncomfortable, tiny upholstered token chair every hotel room is unfortunate enough to possess. He looked tired; exhausted even, but he sat up when he heard the door open and looked at Meredith.

"You were gone a while," he said.

"I fell asleep in the changing rooms," she said, sitting on the couch opposite Derek.

"Seriously?" he looked at her, and leant forward to take her hands. "Seriously?"

"Seriously," she said. "I met Emerson. But I didn't speak to…"

"Meredith," said Derek. "I asked you a question. You didn't answer me. Can you answer me now?" Derek kissed Meredith's cheek gently. "Please. We can do it. We'll be in it together."

"Addison is coming to Seattle tomorrow. I heard her tell Emerson."

"So? Marry me, Mer. I never thought it would take this much asking," he laughed slightly.

"So you've thought of asking me before?" she smiled sadly.

"Everyday." Derek sat himself on the couch beside Meredith, and she positioned herself so their bodies moulded together perfectly. She loved that. She loved how well her body fit into his. Where she had curves, he had grooves, and where he had curves, she had grooves. He took her hands, and they intertwined their fingers. You couldn't tell whose were whose.

"Okay," she said, finally, after a few moments of silence. "Yes." Derek's heart stopped. 'Yes.' He'd been fearing, and anticipating that word for the past three hours.

- - -

The plane bumped to landing, and they disembarked; it was an early flight, because Meredith and Derek had to work. And Cassy, as eager as ever, was going to go to school.

Seattle Grace Hospital was, as usual, all a flurry, but Meredith and Derek didn't bat an eyelid. Instead, they made their way up to the Chief's office, feeling obliged to inform him of their recent engagement.

"You sure you didn't just ask me because you freaked out?" said Meredith, looking nervously at Derek.

"Seriously? You think I'd ask you because I 'freaked out'? Seriously, Dr. Grey?"

"Okay, Dr Shepherd," she said, pushing herself into the groove his arm and torso made. They arrived outside the big glass room that was Chief Webber's office, but the door was shut. Derek peered into the glass panel, and saw Chief Webber sitting at his desk talking too Addison – and Emerson.

Webber saw him, and Derek and Meredith quickly retreated.

"Wait! Shepherd, come here," said Webber. "Come on, don't be shy."

"What? Richard, what's this about? Meredith and I…we're engaged. I'm committed. I can't take anymore of your…"

"Well, Dr. Shepherd, by all means, bring your fiancé too. But we need a serious chat."

"What's she doing here?" asked Derek. "Did you invite her?"

"No, he did not invite her," said Addison. "God Derek, can you be even slightly civil?"

Derek gestured for Meredith to enter the office as well, and she did with some trepidation. "Hello, Dr. Grey, how are you?" Addison extended a hand, which Meredith accepted nervously.

"Fine, thankyou Dr. Shep…Dr…"

"Montgomery," smiled Addison. "Derek, you know I wouldn't have come if it weren't important. I know you think I'm Satan, but this is not about me. Or you. It's about…"

"Emerson," said Meredith, noticing the little girl, who was sitting on the floor reading a book. She looked up at the sound of her name.

"Hey, you're Cassy's mom. The weird lady who covered her eyes outside the change room," said Emerson. "You're a doctor?"

"Uh-huh," said Meredith. "I'm a surgeon, actually." Emerson nodded, and then went back to her book. She was a sweet kid, whose hair was as red as Addison's. She was tall as well; She would have dwarfed Cassy, Meredith thought. Her eyes were a piercing blue – like Derek's – thought Meredith, her heart skipping a beat. But unlike Addison, or Derek, Emerson's cheeks were not flushed; they weren't the rosy tinge characteristic of the hectic schedule her mom had, they were tinged, ever so slightly, with yellow.


	9. I Do The Best Imitation Of Myself

_AN: Hey guys, I have to thankyou all so much for your reviews, they're so encouraging! Hope you enjoy this chapter. I tried to do it as realistically as possible, or at least how I think it would have played out so I hope it is okay. Please review!_

**Chapter 9: I Do The Best Imitation Of Myself**

"Wait wait wait," said Derek, who had to gain his composure. Meredith, who was sitting beside him, took his hand and squeezed it comfortingly. "Emerson…she's…she's mine?"

Addison hung her head, and Richard patted her back in an attempt to comfort her. She nodded, and Derek's grip on Meredith's hand tightened.

"Derek, I wouldn't have told you, honestly. I didn't want to ruin your life. I know you're engaged, and I know you have a daughter," said Addison, her eyes ever so slightly raised. "I came only because…"

"Well? Why did you come? You didn't even know about Cassy until yesterday! Until the competition!" Derek was frustrated; he didn't like upheaval. He was a very laidback man, and always opted (though not necessarily for the best) with the easy way out of any situation. He could handle a scalpel well, and it was that which made him a world-renowned Neuro surgeon, not his ability to make difficult decisions.

"Derek! Please be patient. Addison is getting to that, okay?"

"Wait." It was Meredith. "Addison, are you hear because of Emerson's cheeks?"

"I'm sorry?" Addison looked frustrated. "What about her cheeks?"

"They're yellow. Jaundiced. Is it something to do with that?"

"Thankyou," said Addison, smiling a smile of acknowledgement and respect to Meredith. "Yes, that is why I am here." Derek sat up, alert now. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Em. I'm telling you know because I need you to take some tests."

"Tests? What sort of tests?"

"Wilson's disease," said Addison, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Wilson's disease?"

"For God's sake, Derek stop repeating everything I say!" exclaimed an exasperated Addison. "Wilson's disease!"

"But…that doesn't…she's too young for…"

"Yes. Normally symptoms don't occur until puberty," said Addison. "But Emerson – it's aggressive. Obviously we both have the goddamn gene, because otherwise she wouldn't have it. But I few basic blood tests and such."

"Addison – if she's jaundiced," said Meredith, "Then the disease must be quite far along. Has she had any other symptoms?"

Addison's tears were flowing quite substantially now, and she turned around to check on Emerson who was sitting at Richard's desk and tapping away on his computer. Meredith realised that she wasn't as healthy as she first seemed. In fact, what looked like a sturdy child was bloating, she was awkward in her movements – very jerky and uncoordinated, and she had difficulty speaking, not like a stutter, more like a gauche manner. Addison nodded in answer to Meredith's question; Meredith was being far more helpful than Derek thus far.

"She had a splenomegaly – enlarged spleen, which is what first alerted me to her sickness. It was awful; she was screaming in pain, so she had a splenectomy. Like I said, it's aggressive. And her jaundice…well it's basically a sign that her liver is…her liver's…"

"Failing," said Derek. He ran a hand through his hair desperately.

"Derek, what I want, and I know it is a huge ask, but the donor list is huge. Unless I can get a voluntary donor, Em could be waiting for years. Your nieces – could they get tested? They might be a match. My niece Scout got tested. She wasn't a match – Emerson is B neg. And Scout matched 3 out of 5 points," explained Addison.

"3 out of 5 is enough," said Derek. "It's the minimum – but it's enough."

"And therefore has a higher chance of rejection that 4 or 5 points being met. Em's only eight, Derek. I want her to have an 86 chance of her body accepting a liver rather than a 68 chance."

"That I understand, Addie. But my nieces? They don't know Emerson. They're only young!"

"They were my nieces too, for a while Derek, and I love them. Emerson is their cousin, after all. Anyway, probably only Lila or Rachel would be close enough to Emerson physically anyway. Please Derek. I know you don't know Emerson. But this could give you an opportunity too."

- - -

Meredith sat with her back pressed against the hallway wall. The house was deathly quiet. Cassy was sleeping, like an angel as usual, and Derek was working. Her eyes were puffy, and her face was pinched. Crying pinched. She wasn't crying because Addison was back, or because she was jealous that Addison was back. Not at all. She was crying because for once, for once in her life, she actually knew where Addison was. When Addison and Meredith loved Derek at the same time, Meredith knew where Addison was, but she didn't understand it. Now, she understood it. And comprehension? Is like taking a knife by the blade.

Meredith was swamped with feelings. All kinds of feelings. She didn't know, because they'd been numbed. Her body had taken a figurative overdose of diazepam or similar. But when the drugs wore off? Needles. Her feelings felt like hundreds of needles piercing every inch of her body. Derek had numbed her. He made her feel like everything was okay. He was Cassy's dad, and he took her fly-fishing, and he sometimes tried to make her pancakes on the mornings she wasn't working. It didn't matter that they were the consistency of a plastic Frisbee. He was doing the right things. But she'd never really thought of all the wrong things he'd done before. How much he'd hurt her. He broke her. When she broke George, he wasn't broken. Not even nearly. Not the way Derek broke her. Since Derek left Seattle, Meredith hadn't had a relationship. She hadn't even had sex. And for Meredith, that was something. She'd had eight years of diazepam and now she was waking up.

The doorbell rang, and Meredith forced herself to hoist herself up and answer it. It was 9.30, and Derek wasn't due to finish till the morning. The glass door glinted with the hall light, but Meredith knew the faces from a mile away. She smiled, and opened the door. Despite the rain outside, the house was filled with warmth.

- - -

"We decided," said George, who was drinking a beer, "That we are slack people. 'We' being all of us. I work at Seattle Memorial. Izzie works at St. Matthews. Honestly, they're really not that far from here. And we see you, what? On the fourth of July and Thanksgiving?"

"Yeah," said Meredith. "I've been pretty freaking slack too. Anyway," she said, turning to Izzie, "How the heck is Alex?"

"He's good. He's doing his fellowship in Los Angeles. Better for plastics, and all. But you know, I still speak to him. We're good." Meredith nodded. "And have you guys heard from…" She was interrupted, however, by the doorbell ringing again. "I don't think I've had this many visitors since…I don't even know when!" exclaimed Meredith, getting up. She revisited the door, and was even more surprised to see Cristina.

"Okay, this is not just coincidence," Meredith decided. "What's happening?"

"McDreamy called," explained Cristina. "George and Izzie too, I gather? Well yes, McDreamy calls, I obey." Cristina laughed, and made her way into the living room, sitting herself between George and Izzie.

"Wait…McDreamy rang? As in, Derek?"

"Is there another McDreamy who pushes your buttons?" enquired Cristina mockingly.

"He does more that push buttons, Cristina," said Izzie teasingly. "Didn't he tell you? He's pretty freaking good at popping questions too!"

"What! Derek…proposed? And you didn't call me? Bitch! Aren't I your person?"

"No, I'm your person," said Meredith. "Yes he proposed. Did he mention how good he is at releasing X chromosomes too?" She said it slightly bitterly, although she didn't feel particularly bitter. She liked Emerson. She knew for sure Derek was hers. Addison didn't threaten her, either.

"Eh?" George looked confused. "Cassy?"

"Next time he calls, ask him about Emerson. That must be why he called you. Emerson. Addison's daughter. Addison's _sick_ daughter. Whatever I have, Addison has it tenfold."

Okay, so maybe she did feel bitter. She took a swig of tequila.


	10. The Problem With The Speech You Gave Me

_A/N: Hello guys,_

I love this chapter, because its quite Derek/Meredith and it's important to maintain the relationship despite hardships and all that. So I hope you like it as much as I do…it's not much but meh. Please review!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sigh.

**Chapter 10: "The Problem With The Speech You Gave Me"**

Derek sat with his back pressed against the cupboard in the tearoom, and he ran his hands through his hair. What was it? Why the hell couldn't he just settle down and be happy without some shit hitting the fan? Happy with Addison. Then Mark. Happy with Meredith. Then Addison. Happy with Janine. But still, Meredith. Happy finally with Meredith and Cassy. Double whammy – Addison _and_ Emerson. I'm too old for this, thought Derek. All I want to do is have a boring life. Is that so much to ask? That I go to bed and wake up beside Meredith every day? Get woken up –willingly- by my daughter jumping on our bed? Take her to school. Go to work. Save some lives. Go home and have dinner. Cook dinner sometimes, just as a surprise. Go on a ferryboat on weekends. Take Cassy fly-fishing. Help out at Cassy's school. Read Cassy a bedtime story. Make love with Meredith. Have another child, perhaps? It was such a beautiful fantasy.

The door to the tearoom opened, and Derek sighed internally. It was always too much to ask. Too much to ask for such a simple fantasy. Too much to ask that he could just hide in the tearoom until he could go home.

"Thought I'd find you here." Addison shut the door behind her, and swiftly made herself a cup of hot chocolate.

"Juju?" she offered, making an attempt at a smile. Derek shook his head, and Addison's smile faltered. She sat herself beside him.

"Look," she said, "I wouldn't have come, honestly I wouldn't have, if I thought there was another option for Em which wouldn't need you to get involved. But Derek, she's my baby. I'm not doing this as revenge. I'm so happy for you, that you're happy with Meredith and Cassy, I really am. Derek I'm a mom now. I don't resent you for not being there, I know you didn't know. I know if I'd told you you would have stayed. We weren't happy, were we?"

"No," said Derek. "Once we were. But not for a long time. And after Meredith, I suppose we never could have. Well - I never could have." Addison nodded, satisfied with his response. She took a long sip of her hot chocolate and looked sidewards at Derek.

He nodded. "I've already rang Paige," he said. "She's bringing the girls up tomorrow. I don't know if that's a 'yes' to any possible transplants, but it's a 'yes' to the testing, okay?" Addison nodded, and reached her hand out to take Derek's, before she pulled it quickly back. She stood up, and slowly and methodically rinsed out her mug. Then she walked over to the door and opened it.

"Thankyou," she murmured, and she shut the door behind her.

- - -

Meredith heard the front door click open at about four that morning. George was asleep with his face plastered to the couch, and Izzie was asleep in the spare room, the one that had been George's when the house of Grey was the house of Interns. Cristina had gone home to Preston and William. Meredith however had not managed to fall asleep. She glanced at the clock, and a few minutes later Derek entered the room quietly, obviously with then intention of not waking her up.

"I'm awake," she whispered hoarsely, and Derek smiled. Although it was dark, Meredith could make out the smile – she had every inch of his body committed to her memory, and recalling them was not difficult at all. He came over and kissed her cheek.

"We had an invasion," she said with a grin. "Did you know?" Derek pulled his shirt off and a pair of sweatpants on, and he tiredly climbed into bed.

"Uh-huh," he said, pulling Meredith in towards him. "I had an inkling." He kissed her forehead gently, and smelt her hair and she reached up and touched his. "I love your hair," she whispered. "Please don't ever go bald."

"I love your hair too," he said, gently tracing the contours of her body with his hand. He smelt it again. Meredith couldn't breathe when Derek smelt her hair. She sharply inhaled and could not exhale until he had finished; he smelt it in a way that made her feel he truly needed it to get by. He kissed her gently, leaving hot breath over her face, and she sighed in exhilaration. Derek continued to stroke her, his fingers so gentle yet so powerful it made Meredith shiver. How could someone's fingers have so much control over so much? They had sex – really good sex, thought Meredith, though it always was for her, and Derek rolled off her and found is way into the groove his body had made in the mattress. He spooned Meredith, for that was how they both slept best, and he wrapped his arm around her. She took is hand and lay quietly in bed, dozing, kissing the tips of his fingers without noticing. It was becoming a habit, and Meredith smiled at the thought of kissing Derek actually becoming habit. Not just a habit, but soon to be a completely legal, even encouraged habit.

"Derek," whispered Meredith. "What's going to happen with Emerson?" She felt vulnerable, and subconsciously pushed herself closer to Derek, for the warmth and support of his body.

"I called my sister," said Derek. "She's bringing my youngest nieces, Lila and Rachel to Seattle Grace tomorrow," he explained. "I can't believe you've never met Paige. Or any of my family. We have to change that, eh?"

"So Paige agreed?"

"For the tests. I don't know if she'd go through with transplant surgery. It's a big surgery for a little girl." Meredith nodded in agreement. "Will your family like me?"

Derek chuckled. "Of course they will. Mer, I was actually thinking we should visit them sometime soon, as like, an engagement meet. Bring Cassy with, stay for a few nights."

"Do they think I'm your dirty mistress?" Derek laughed again.

"I love you when you're worried," he said, kissing the back of her neck. "It's such a turn-on."

"Seriously, though Derek," said Meredith, rolling over so she could face him. "They liked Addison. They're going to think I'm the dirty mistress who broke up the golden marriage. Which…I suppose I am. But still…you got off so easily on the family side! I have a mother who doesn't recognise me, let alone my boyfri…fiancé. I love that. Fiancé. And I have a father who is basically non-existent. But you, you have a mother whose maiden name is Maloney, and a father and four sisters, nine nieces and five nephews. And I have to win them over. I mean…surgery's a walk in the park compared to that."

"You remembered all that stuff I told you?" Derek asked in amazement. "What's my favourite novel?"

"The Sun Also Rises," replied Meredith instantly.

"Favourite Band?"

"The Clash."

"Well…you won me over," said Derek kissing her forehead, still amazed at what Meredith remembered. "So you'll win them over too. I promise." Meredith nodded, content with that, and she settled back into bed, with half an hour before she needed to get up, ready to face yet another day of unrest. But she was lying in bed, and Derek was smelling her hair, so for now, that was enough.


	11. And I Swore I Was Listening

**Chapter 11: 'And I Swore I Was Listening'**

Meredith had been at work since six and had been in OR 3 for a while because she was allowing one of this years interns' to do the appendectomy. His body was nervous, but his hands were steady and whenever Meredith saw an intern master something basic, she remembered when she mastered the basics in her first year.

"Just invert the caecum and be sure not to break the stitch…" the intern, Damien Taylor did as Meredith instructed, and looked at Meredith with triumph.

"Good. Well done. Would you like to close her up?" Damien Taylor nodded, and Meredith relaxed, allowing Damien Taylor full space to complete the routine procedure, which would become a milestone to him from now on.

"Thankyou Dr. Taylor," said Meredith, in the scrub room. "You did very well."

"Thank_you_ Dr Grey. That was amazing. Really. Let me take you for a drink tonight, hey? At the place across the road. Go on." Meredith raised her eyebrows sceptically.

"Seriously? Dr. Taylor I'm your boss. And I'm much older than you. And I'm engaged." Damien Taylor grabbed her left hand and examined her fingers.

"You have nice fingers though, Dr. Grey. And no ring." She pulled her hand back.

"Seriously Damien, take it from someone who knows. Don't even try to start anything with anyone from work. Just go and find yourself a nice…teacher, or something, okay?" Damien looked quizzically at Meredith, as there was a knock on the scrub door. The door opened.

"Hello, Dr. Taylor. Dr. Grey." It was Derek. Meredith's eyes lit up and she turned off the tap and walked over to Derek. He kissed her on the cheek. Damien Taylor looked at the two of them and Meredith winked at him.

"Ohhh," said Damien. "I understand you now, Dr. Grey." Meredith nodded.

"I'm glad, Dr. Taylor. Be sure you follow it up now." Dr. Taylor laughed, and went to leave the scrub room.

"Wait…Dr. Shepherd?"

"Yes?"

"You better put on a ring on her freaking finger." Meredith laughed.

- - -

Meredith was sitting in the tearoom browsing catalogues, and googling stuff on her laptop. She was on-call, and was planning to arrange a trip to Derek's family. She sent his sister's an email, though she felt apprehensive about it. Of course she'd spoken to them on the phone before, but meeting them, Derek's family, was a scary prospect for her. All she wanted was to impress them. Derek meant the world to her. It was quiet, but the tapping of her tiny fingers over the keyboard, and the occasional sip from her drinking her coffee, when the tea room door clicked open. Meredith looked up.

"Is Dr. Shepherd in here?" enquired a voice.

"No," said Meredith, surveying the woman who stood in the doorway. She had two little girls standing on either side of her. "Oh. You must be Lucy! His sister. Meredith Grey." Meredith got up and offered her hand to Derek's sister. Although Lucy's hair was a strawberry blonde colour, she had very similar features to Derek. They were definitely brother and sister.

"Oh my, you're Meredith! Derek's Meredith! I've been waiting to meet you!" Lucy looked happy, and Meredith's nerves settled slightly. Derek's Meredith.

"And these are Lila and Rachel, I suppose?" Lucy nodded. The girls nodded too.

"So where is Derek?" asked Lucy. "The girls are having their liver biopsy. I just can't believe Addison has a daughter. Derek has a daughter!" Lucy was evidently nervous.

"Tell you what," said Meredith. "I think Derek is in a surgery." He was, an emergency craniotomy. "I'll do the biopsy if you'd like. I'll page Derek anyway."

"Oh thankyou," said Lucy. "I'm a little nervous." Meredith nodded understandingly. "It's a very simple procedure," she explained to Lucy, Lila and Rachel. They all nodded and Meredith smiled slightly. She could do something for Derek's sister. She didn't feel completely helpless.

- - -

Derek entered the tearoom a few hours later.

"Hey, everyone!" he came in and kissed Lucy's cheek, and then kissed Meredith's cheek.

"Uncle Derek!" Lila and Rachel ran forward and threw their arms around Derek's waist. He hugged them back.

"Der, you're quite the man with kids now. What happened? You used to be so…not cold, what's the word? Nonchalant."

"Well," said Derek. "You know how Seattle brings with it lots of surprises?" Lucy crossed her arms. Derek was her little brother and despite his uncanny knack for saving lives and operating on brains and the like, she knew he was not the best when it came to personal issues. She looked at him mock condescendingly, and waited.

"After Addison and I left for New York eight years ago, I didn't realise and no one told me," he looked at Meredith beseechingly, but she was laughing slightly, enjoying the show. "Umm Meredith was pregnant…" Lucy's stare was unfaltering. "With my child."

Lucy laughed. "I should be surprised, right? That should be surprising hey?" She looked at Meredith for confirmation. Lucy slapped Derek lightly on the shoulder. "You gotta take some responsibility." Derek nodded, and Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"Yes," said Lucy, "Something he's always preaching. Derek, Lila and Rachel got tested okay? But don't you dare think they're undergoing transplant surgery because you were stupid enough to impregnate two women at the same time, okay?" she took Lila and Rachel's hands, and led them out the room. She stuck her head back in. "No offence, Meredith, by the way. I can't wait to meet Cassy."

_**A/N:** Ok guys. It's been a while since I've updated but I think Best Imitation of Myself is drawing to a close. It hasn't decided yet but it's winding down after a few chapters. So please read and review anyway and forgive my slackness! Xox Mystical Faeries_


	12. But I Started Drifting

**Chapter 12:** **"But I Started Drifting"**

Lila and Rachel weren't matches. Lucy sighed with relief and Addison burst into tears. In the past few days Emerson's condition had steadily deteriorated, and while UNOS had elevated her status on the recipient list unfortunately for Emerson eight year old livers were hard to come across. She was given a special bed at Seattle Grace courtesy of Dr. Webber who watched on as Addison grew more and more helpless, and Emerson more and more sick. She hadn't eaten anything for days, anything she ate she threw back up.

"Derek," said Meredith as they stood outside the OR board making mental notes of their surgeries. "Why don't you ever go and see Emerson? Is it because of Cassy? Or me?"

"No," he shook his head. "It's because she doesn't know me. I don't want to get attached and I don't want her to get attached to me." Meredith nodded, though she wasn't happy with the response.

"I'm off," she smiled. "Have a good day." He leant down and kissed her cheek, his stubble grazing it slightly, and she returned the kiss. Then she went upstairs and sat beside Emerson. She whimpered in acknowledgement of Meredith's presence.

"Cassy's mom," she said, her voice hoarse, he throat dry. Meredith nodded and reached for a cool damp cloth. She dabbed Emerson's forehead gently. "Does it hurt?" Meredith asked it quietly, looking searchingly into Emerson's deep green eyes.

"It doesn't hurt," said Emerson. "It aches. It doesn't stop; It feels like someone has tied a belt above my hips so tight I can't breathe. And every now and then it feels like some is sticking pins me. All over me. Which, sometimes they are. But mostly they aren't. Meredith. I can't tell mom this but I think this is the end for me. I actually think I'm dying. Properly this time."

Emerson grabbed Meredith's hand and held it tightly. "I really love my mom, Meredith. She's busy and sometimes she loses her temper. She's at the hospital so much but I don't resent her for it. I've had a good life. But…I don't know how mom is going to be without me."

"Emerson, you mustn't speak like that," said Meredith. "Please don't."

"And I know Derek is my dad. Mom told me. So I guess that means that you're my step-mom, almost. And Cassy…Cassy is my…"

- - -

"Half-sister," said Meredith. Derek nodded.

Meredith had pulled him aside and they sat on the couch in the tearoom, looking at each other almost blankly.

"What is your point?" Derek asked. "Mer, it's just…"

"I know Derek, I know, okay?"

"But Cassy – she's my dau…"

"I KNOW, Derek, I know! But SO.IS.EMERSON. We are obliged to try, okay? If Emerson was our daughter, Derek, yours and mine, you would have no hesitation in getting Cassy tested. She might match. She might not. But we have to try. We're surgeons, and we're parents and we're in the exact same position as Addison, you see?"

Derek nodded. He saw it clearly.

_A/N: Guys, this is the second last chapter, albeit a shorty! So please…review your little hearts out!_


	13. You Won't Be Able To Tell

**Chapter 13: "You wont be able to tell - I do the best imitation of myself"**

She kissed her head and let her lips linger on her forehead for just an extra second until the gurney was wheeled from underneath her.

"This is as far as you can go," explained the nurse, although she knew Meredith was well aware of that imposing red line. Meredith nodded, and swept tears from her eyes.

"Be brave, bee," said Meredith. "I love you so so much."

"Yeah bee. Love you to the moon and back, okay?" Derek was holding onto Meredith's hand. He had taken it to offer support, but now he was draining support from Meredith and the grip on her hand was almost stopping carpal circulation.

"I love you too," said Cassy with a smile. "Seriously, I'm glad I'm doing this." She nodded to reassure her parents and the nurse and the intern wheeled the gurney through the sterile plastic over the red line, which glared at Derek and Meredith as a beacon waiting to determine their fate.

- - -

Meredith refused to pick up a magazine despite how alluring they were. Today she was not a surgeon and she sat in the itchy waiting chairs refusing to be a waiter. Every crease, every tear in the pages were a sign of someone else's trial. She could see where the two hour mark had hit, and she could tell when a doctor had emerged, only to find it was not yours. She refused to leave her story on a 6 month outdated _People_. Derek on the other hand was not as accustomed with waiting rooms, and he reached over to the table to pick up something meaningless. Meredith grabbed his hand instead.

"Magazines just show that you're preoccupied. Or worse, anxious, okay? Cass will be fine." Derek nodded, just as the waiting room door creaked open. They both peered up, to see  
Addison take a seat beside Meredith. She threw a packaged sandwich and a cookie on both Derek and Meredith's laps and offered them a smile, which they returned.

"How was Emerson?" enquired Meredith, opening the sandwich in an acknowledgment of her evasive hunger. The bread was a bit dry and the lettuce was limp. The cheese was chewy and dry and she wasn't sure what was pretending to be ham. But she ate it anyway, forced each bite down even thought they simply contributed to the overwhelming lump, which would not quite budge from her oesophagus. Derek didn't even eat his. Instead he methodically rubbed small pieces of bread between his index finger and thumb until the plastic container contained a small mountain of breadcrumbs.

"She was fine," said Addison. "Thanks entirely to you and Cassy. How was she?"

"She was fine. Not phased at all. Shame I can't say the same for myself."

"It doesn't get easier," said Addison, smiling a meek smile. "Nor does the waiting. It took me three ops to pick up a magazine," she said. "Do it. You wont feel better, but you won't feel worse either."

But Meredith didn't do it. She sapped life out of Derek's hand and waited stoically. She knew the operation was long and complicated at times. She couldn't wait. She wasn't a waiter.

- - -

Dr Taylor had been the intern assigned to Emerson's case. It was his first transplant surgery. Dr Blake was on Cassy's team. She was the Izzie equivalent of the group; bright and peppy, a good surgeon but a tendency to get too attached to her patients, but she was good and she offered support and she was genuinely excited to scrub in.

- - -

Finally the door swung open and Dr. Taylor and his resident Dr. Tauro entered the room. Addison stood up eagerly. They looked tired but they didn't look sombre. Dr. Tauro nodded.

"She's through," she said. "The surgery went well and we'll see in 24 hours hour her body is responding to the liver and anti-rejection drugs." She nodded, and Dr. Taylor followed suit, winking at Meredith.

"Wait," said Meredith. "What about Cassy? She should be out now, shouldn't she?" It took a moment for it to register with Tauro.

"Oh yes. Someone will be out to talk with you shortly, ma'am. I myself don't have any details." Meredith nodded in comprehension.

- - -

The door swung open again, after what felt like hours but in reality was probably on 20 minutes or so. Meredith leapt to her feet, to face Dr. Blake and the attending Dr. Matheson. He ripped off his scrub cap. Derek grabbed Meredith's hand.

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey," he said, nodding. Dr. Blake said nothing.

"Dr. Matheson…" started Meredith, warily.

He looked away. Could not meet her eyes.

"Dr Matheson," said Derek firmly in his voice, which demanded eye contact. Eye contact was given. But Derek wished it wasn't.

They recognised it. They all did.

Addison did.

Meredith did.

Derek did.

Sympathy.

And Dr. Matheson sighed and ran his hand through his greying hair and grudgingly opened his mouth with a deep breath.

"Dr Shepherd, Dr Grey. I'm so, so sorry."

-T H E—E-N-D-

_A/N: Guys, this is it. I had no idea this was how it would end but in the end it wrote itself. Please leave your final reviews, and let me know: I'm thinking of a sequel of sorts, because as you can see it ends with a lot of loose ends. If you're interested, let me know. Anyway. I hope you enjoyed Best Imitation of Myself as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thankyou all once again for your reviews!_

_From **Mystical Faeries**_


	14. Authors Note

Extra Special Author's Note

Hey all,

Thankyou so much for reading and reviewing my fic. The overwhelming majority of people want a sequel to Best Imitation of Myself, and so with much deliberation I have decided that I will make a sequel. I haven't decided what it will focus on yet, and as for those of you who asked me "Is Cassy really dead?"

Well – I don't know yet. So look out for the sequel, though I don't know when it will be.

As always,

Mystical Faeries.


End file.
